Bibliophile
by poestheblackcat
Summary: It's no secret that Lindsey loves books. "McDonald Boys" verse, post-"Sky's Gonna Open."


Summary: It's no secret that Lindsey loves books. "McDonald Boys" verse, post-"Sky's Gonna Open."

This takes place sometime after "See Spot Run." I'm also going to post a story titled "School of Hard Knocks" starting on March 9, so this is merely an episode to whet your appetite. Thanks!

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**Bibliophile **

It's no secret that Lindsey loves books. He didn't have many to start with when he first began working with the Leverage crew, but as the months went by and it seemed like he was there to stay, he began amassing a small collection of them, picking a volume up here, and another there whenever one struck his fancy.

His is quite an eclectic library, with the usual classics of a bibliophile, such as the _Lord of the Rings_ trilogy and its prequel and sequel, several first-edition Steinbecks, a tongue-in-cheek copy of T.S. Eliot's _Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, _a cheap paperback copy of Dickens' _Bleak House,_ and a nice barely-used secondhand_ The Count of Monte Cristo _in French_,_ but also a few obscure Latin and demonic texts and more contemporary novels like the_ Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ series and all of John Grisham's legal thrillers.

He has also tried to share his love of books with Eliot by buying him the entire Great Illustrated Classics series once he realized that his now younger brother still has the mind of an adult but the reading skills of a second-grader. And okay, that's fine, because Eliot actually likes to read, and sometimes, he even lets Lindsey read them to him at bedtime. But only because Linny whines and nags a lot and it's easier to just let him do it instead of listening to him go on and on and on about "re-developing" his mind. However, he absolutely refuses to listen to _girly_ books like _Pride and Prejudice_ and _Jane Eyre_ because Mr. Darcy and Mr. Rochester were stuck-up pricks.

(Intrigued, Parker steals the one entitled _Treasure Island_, but returns it because she was disappointed that it wasn't about an island made up of treasure. Feeling uncharacteristically sorry for her, Lindsey lets her borrow his copy of _Le Comte de Monte-Cristo_ instead, on the condition that she returns it in perfect condition. _Perfect_, as in no dog-eared pages, rips, or stains. She returns it immediately, complaining that the subtitles are broken.)

Today, it's fairly obvious that Lindsey's love of books has finally turned into something of a mania when he goes on and on about a certain rare book that their mark has just bought. He talks about printing methods, binding methods, paper type, different kinds of inks, editions, year of publication, preservation, and how of course, the overall _content_ of the particular book may be of more value to one certain collector than all the other things that interest your typical bibliomaniac.

"...and naturally, you have to take into account the- "

He stops lecturing, seeing the glazed "I don't know whether to be scared or bored" expressions on the team members around him, even Nate and Sophie. "What?"

They continue to look at him in the same flabbergasted way they look at Parker whenever she does something odd. Hell, even Parker's looking at him that way. "Seriously, what?"

Eliot chucks one of Bandit's slobbery chew toys at him, prompting the Dalmatian to prance around Lindsey's knees, begging for the toy to be thrown across the room (and if Smells-Like-Master would only just throw it, Bandit will love him forever and ever and ever).

"You are such a _dork_," the seven-year-old says, "I can't believe I'm related to you. What if someone hears you and thinks you're me? Huh? I'll never live it down."

Well, that gets Lindsey's goat right away. Ignoring the whining dog, he retorts, "What's wrong with being passionate about something? I've got my books. You've got your...stuff. You like to cook. I don't make fun of your cooking."

Eliot scoffs. "That's because you'd starve to death if I didn't cook for ya. An' there's somethin' wrong with a seven-year-old cooking for a fully-grown man." He huffs. "But you don't hear _me_ complainin' about it, oh no, you don't."

Lindsey towers over his miniature brother, arms crossed. "I was doin' just fine on my own until you _made_ me join the team. Besides, technically, you're not even seven! You're actually roughly five and a half times that!"

"Exactly!" Eliot exclaims.

Parker leans over to whisper to Hardison. _"I don't get it. What are they arguing about?"_

Hardison shrugs. _"I don't know, but I think it's unresolved underlying sibling stuff. You know. Someone stole someone's cookie when they were five and the other one's never forgotten it. Somethin' like that, prob'ly."_

Eliot launches at Lindsey from his spot on the sofa next to them with a battle cry and grabs a tiny-yet-firm handful of his twin's hair, prompting Lindsey to shout, "Get offa me, ya little [expletive]-ing [expletive]!" (Censored for the benefit of Bandit's sensitive ears.)

Parker cheers for Eliot and Hardison roots for Lindsey (geeks and younger siblings of the world unite! - while surreptitiously calculating his odds of winning on his phone). Sophie winces and prays for the safety of the furniture. Nate gets himself a drink, and Bandit cowers behind the couch with a whimper, chew toy all but forgotten.

"I hate monkeeeeeys!" Eliot screams shrilly from his precarious position hanging backwards off of Lindsey's neck, choking him out with all forty-six and a half pounds of his weight.

"_What?"_

"_I don't even know."_

"_Lindsey stole the cookie, right?"_

"_What?"_

"_You said..."_

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AN: I don't know either, by the way. Ask my plot bunny, Bruce. He might know.

38 divided by 7 (Lindsey and Eliot's respective current ages) is 5.43, rounded to the nearest hundredth. For the math geeks out there...

And now for the books:

The Great Illustrated Classics bit came from a convo with One-Eyed Lady. Thanks, m'dear (if you're still reading)!

The _Lord of the Rings_ books - Self-reference to my story, "Lindsey's Adventures in L-Space," which had a chapter crossed over with LOTR. Lindsey has a fanboy moment when Gandalf walks into the room.

_Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats_ - A series of poems written by T.S. Eliot (of _The Waste Land _and _The Hollow Men_ fame) about a bunch of cats. No kidding. And then Andrew Lloyd Webber made a musical out of it. So it's basically a bunch of poems about singing, dancing cats. I bet Lindsey loves to rub that in whenever Eliot starts teasing him about his name. I also have an unrelated Leverage/Angel story wherein the Leverage team gets turned into cats and Lindsey has to fix it.

_Bleak House_ - A Dickens novel with lots of evil lawyers in it.

John Grisham - Writes a lot of books about evil lawyers (seeing a pattern here?)

John Steinbeck - He often wrote about the Dust Bowl, which is where Lindsey and Eliot hail from (okay, Lindsey fanonically comes from Oklahoma, while Eliot lived in Kentucky [and possibly OK], but I made it so that the twins were born in Oklahoma and moved to Kentucky later). I thought that the subject matter might signify something to Lindsey (poor as dirt, moving out to California to make their fortune...).

_The Count of Monte Cristo_ - Lindsey seems like the kind of guy who would read books in their original language, if he can. This one is about a poor guy who educates himself, gets rich, then gets revenge. And then there's swordplay! Sound familiar?

_The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ - Random. He does have a sense of humor, though (Mountain Dew? Seriously, Lindsey?). So this makes perfect sense.


End file.
